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Tuesday 14 July 2015

Finding Community

It’s a “thing”. I mean, I knew it was a thing, but I didn’t know it was a “thing”. There’s a name for it. I am a road widow (apologies to those women who have lost husbands in auto-crashes – the name has not much in the way of good taste). I was searching on the internet for blogs or sites or…. something that might help us navigate this very ebby-and-flowy way of life. And I found Road Wives, which won me over with this post:

I think The Sound Guy has said every one of those things. And I’ve had every one of those reactions. J

I just got up to make chicken soup for the troops when they get back from hunting snow. While I was stirring, chopping, seasoning, I was thinking about (I know! This isn’t good for my mindfulness!!) how people give me “The Look” when they ask whether The Sound Guy's home. The Look is a mixture of sympathy, wonder, not-understanding, and judgement (as in – “it’s not REALLY a life, is it?). Then I thought about all the concerts my friends go to without thinking about the families that each member of the team that puts on that show has at home. I mean, I know that’s totally normal!! They are there to enjoy the music! Then, I thought about all the All Blacks and Black Caps and all those other sports stars that my friends watch on TV. I bet if my husband was an All Black (I just had to giggle at the thought), I wouldn’t get so much judgement about the time he spends away from us. I bet, when I was talking about how difficult Louis is finding it at the moment, they wouldn’t be so quick to suggest that he find a new job. Because rugby players are next-to-gods. Musicians are just fooling round, right? It’s not a Real Job, right?

I love that one of our priorities is that we work at jobs that we love.
I definitely do not love that it hurts my son when The Sound Guy goes away. But the universe is not an all or nothing being. There is a space, somewhere close, where we are all happy. And this is what I need help with from other mums who understand. I need to ask the question, “What can I do to help Louis navigate his father’s comings and goings?” without the first response being that The Sound Guy stay home and get a Real Job. For things like this, I find groups of like-minded women and I learn from them.

So, Yes! It’s a “Thing” and somewhere in the middle of that realisation, is a sense of contentment that we are not CRAZEEEEEE. That we are part of a community – an as yet unvisited community – but a community, available and understanding – potential.


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